Pink Wine, Brown Eyes, and Second Chances
by autre-fille
Summary: After their relationship suddenly falls apart, Jess leaves Nick, taking her biggest secret with her. Rated T for now, but almost certainly will change to M.
1. How It Fell Apart

Life is hard. Love is messy. Nick knew that. Jess knew that. That didn't change anything.

So when Jess walked out of apartment 4D for the last time, Nick knew he couldn't really do anything to stop her. He tried anyway. He begged and pleaded and tried to make amends in any way he could, but nothing worked.

"Nick," she'd whispered, pain evident in her watery eyes, "I can't keep doing this back and forth with you. I can't do this if you won't trust me."

Nick couldn't say anything to that. He knew he'd fucked up big time.

"Please, Jess..." he whispered, his voice so quiet he could barely hear himself speak.

She was visibly crying as she shook her head and walked away.

Nick just stood there in the doorway, tears streaking his own face. He let her get away again, because, well, that was his move.

* * *

It started when Jess started acting nervous around him. Every time he would ask her a direct question, she would freeze up or mumble something incoherent and walk away. She was coming home later, saying she'd had a science fair or extra papers to grade or a parent-teacher conference. She told him she was too tired to go out for ice cream when he'd asked, even though he knew she loved the new ice cream shop on 34th street. Nick knew something was wrong, but he just didn't know what. He knew how Jess was, though, and he resolved to let her be for a little while.

Then, a few days after her erratic behavior began, just weeks shy of their second anniversary, his world fell apart.

He had offered to do her laundry for her (after all, she'd been telling him how busy she was all week), and while she was in the shower, he took a stack of her flannel pajamas to her room. He found the dresser drawer they belonged in, tucking them away carefully. That's when it happened. Jess's phone gave two high-pitched beeps, and Nick picked it up. He hadn't meant to be invasive, but he glanced at the two new text messages on her home screen.

One was from Cece: "You have to tell him. It's not fair to him to keep lying to him like this." Nick felt his breath quicken, and he glanced at the second message. This one read, "Jess- room 239, tomorrow at 5? Waiting for you." It was from someone named Joey, and it was followed by a cutesy winky face.

He didn't want to see any more. Nick dropped the phone and practically fell backwards onto Jess's bed, feeling sick. It all made sense now. She'd found someone else. Someone better than him. Joey, apparently. Nick wasn't a crier- he hadn't even shed a tear at his own father's funeral, dammit- but he felt that uncomfortable knot forming in the back of his throat. He let one ragged sob escape his lungs before reeling it all in, and sealing everything he was feeling away in a deep, deep part of him. He told himself he knew this would happen. He knew he wasn't good enough for her- everyone knew that. He knew she'd eventually find someone better for her. With that, he stood up and left, slamming her door behind him. He grabbed a sweatshirt out of his room, and without stopping to think, took the first bottle of liquor he could find out of the kitchen cabinet. With a final slam of the front door, Nick Miller left apartment 4D and started roaming the streets.

* * *

Nick collapsed onto the sand, plunking the half empty bottle of Jack beside him. His phone had been ringing for what seemed like the past hour, and without bothering to see who was calling, he answered it with a slurred, "What do you want?"

"Nick?" It was her. It was Jess. He hated Jess, he had decided not long ago. He hated her stupid bangs and her annoying polka dots and her fucking alien eyes. "Nick, where are you?"

"Jessica Day," he sang into the phone, taking another swig of whiskey, "you need to stop calling me!"

"Nick? Nick, I can't hear you. I need you to come home, okay? We need to talk."

More quietly this time, he whispered, "Fuck you, Jess," and snapped his phone shut. He laid down, trying to blanket himself in the chilly sand and forget his entire life. The biggest disappointment wasn't what Jess had done, though- no, that wasn't it. He was more disappointed in himself than in her. He hadn't been enough for Jess. He hadn't managed to hold on to her, as hard as he'd tried. After screaming as loud as his lungs could manage to the empty beach, he passed out.

* * *

It was an hour later when a sandy, disheveled, and still fairly drunk Nick stormed into the loft.

Jess, hearing the front door slam, came out of her room with a bewildered look on her face.

"Nick!" she exclaimed, approaching him. "What the hell? I really needed to talk to you last night and you just disappeared!"

Nick pushed past her, throwing his hands up.

"I disappeared, Jess? I did? Where the fuck have you been all week?" he growled. "Grading papers and staying out late and keeping all kinds of secrets from me? Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Nick, what are you even talking about?" Jess cried, following him into his room. "It's the end of the school year- of course I'm busy!"

"Busy with Joey?" Nick quipped, turning to face her. A look of confusion crossed over Jess's face as Nick said, "Yeah, Jess, I know about Joey."

"Joey? Nick, what is going on?"

"I saw your phone, Jess, I read his message- 'meet me tomorrow!'" Nick slurred, adding exaggerated winks to mimic the emoticons from Joey's message. "You're sleeping with him, aren't you? You've moved on, found someone better. I knew you would. Leave me alone, Jessica!"

Jess stood there for a second, feeling anger rising in her belly.

"Joey's a seventh grade science teacher, Nick. He's helping me set up a surprise party later this afternoon for the kids that got all A's this year." Jess paused for a moment before adding "I can't believe you were snooping through my phone!"

"Don't lie to me, Jess!" Nick bellowed. "Just admit it. I'm not what you need! Remember what Cece told you- it isn't fair to not tell me you're hot for teacher!"

"You went through my messages with Cece?!" Jess screeched. Her eyes filled with tears. "What the hell, Nick?"

They fought and screamed for fifteen more minutes, Nick drunkenly shouting callous insults at Jess, and Jess defending herself until she could take no more.

With that, she slammed his door and practically sprinted to her own room, collapsing on her bed. After an hour of sobbing into her pillow, she sat up and made an executive decision. With tears still streaming down her face, she staggered into her closet and started packing her biggest duffel bag full of her most important things.

She felt guilty- she knew she had been acting weird lately, and she knew Nick deserved to know why, but she couldn't take the stress anymore. So the next morning, Jessica Day walked out of apartment 4D, carrying her belongings and a secret that she thought she would never share.


	2. Phone Calls & Toilet Hugging

Jess wasn't surprised when Schmidt answered Cece's door at 8 am on a Sunday morning, wearing only a pair of boxers. After Cece's failed wedding, Schmidt had tentatively rekindled their relationship. Almost two years later, they were getting very serious. He was at her apartment more than he was at his nowadays, and they were talking about marriage and kids.

Schmidt took in the disheveled girl standing before him, and with widening eyes, shouted, "Cece!" This was definitely Cece territory.

Jess pushed past Schmidt and dumped her bags on the floor before collapsing on her friend's couch. Cece padded out of her room sleepily, tightening the sash of her silky robe. She stopped short when she saw Jess sitting in her living room with swollen eyes and a mascara-stained shirt.

"I left Nick," Jess announced shakily. Two jaws hit the floor.

Schmidt, for once, had nothing to say. He stood in front of Jess, flabbergasted, while Cece sat down beside her and took her friend's hands in her own.

"What's going on, babe?"

Jess cried quietly as she recounted the events of the previous night. Cece shifted to put her arms around Jess and stroke her hair when she cried, "He- he told me he hated me."

Cece held Jess even tighter, responding with a sympathetic "He doesn't hate you, babe."

"I was going to tell him last night," Jess choked out. "I was going to tell him but he was drunk and mean and I just didn't know what to do and I couldn't stay, Cece, I had to get out-" Jess's rambling was cut short by a heaving sob. "What do I do, Cece?" Jess wailed. "I can't do this alone, I can't, but I can't go back.

"Can't do what alone?" Schmidt interjected, breaking his silence.

"Drop it, Schmidt," Cece warned him sharply.

His eyes narrowed a little, but he let it go. He walked over to the two girls and put a reassuring hand on Jess's shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Jess. You and Nick can work it out- you always do."

Jess shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. "I don't ever want to see him again," she whimpered, thinking of all the horrible things he'd said to her that night. "Please let me stay here." She looked at Cece pleadingly.

Cece nodded, pitying Jess. "Of course. I've got the spare bedroom over there." She motioned to a room near the kitchen.

"Don't tell him where I am, Schmidt," Jess instructed, rubbing her face on her sleeves. "You know nothing."

Schmidt nodded, knowing that Cece wouldn't let him say anything. He picked up Jess's bags and brought them into the spare bedroom.

Cece stood up and walked into the kitchen after she told Jess she'd make some tea.

Jess slumped further into the couch, crossing her arms over her chest until she heard her phone ring. She pulled it out of her pocket, knowing it was Nick without having to look at the caller ID. He'd been calling her almost nonstop since she left. Cece looked over, obviously concerned, but not wanting to meddle too much.

Jess answered the phone with a snappy but dejected, "What?"

* * *

Nick felt his stomach drop when he heard her harsh tone.

"Jess," he breathed into his phone, "please talk to me. Where are you?"

"I don't want to talk, Nick, I really don't."

"Please, Jessica, I'm so sorry, you know I am, I didn't mean anything I said, I was drunk, please come home, Jess, I need you, Jess, I'm so sorry-" Nick rambled, only to be cut short by Jess's trembling voice.

"Yeah, Nick. You were drunk. Instead of trying to talk to me about what you _thought _was going on-" she spat, "you got wasted and disappeared for three hours!"

Nick closed his eyes, his death grip on his phone tightening even more.

"I need someone that I can count on to be mature and trust me." There was a brief pause. "And, Nick...I don't think you're that person."

"I was scared, Jess," he explained desperately. "I thought I was going to lose you."

"Yeah, well," she managed, "now you have." He heard her let out what sounded like a sob. "Don't call me again, Nick."

And with that audible click, Nick felt his world collapse around him again. He threw his phone at his bedroom wall, and when the screen shattered, he felt that it was only fitting that his phone was now as broken as he was.

* * *

Jess sat on the couch, staring at the wall in front of her. She had thought Nick would call her again, but five minutes after she'd hung up on him, her phone was still silent. She couldn't decide if she was relieved or disappointed.

Cece approached Jess, handing her a mug of tea. "You okay?" she asked quietly.

Jess shook her head and took a sip of the warm liquid, hoping that it would soothe the dull ache she felt in the back of her throat.

Before she could say anything, though, a different feeling came over her and she shoved the tea back into Cece's hands before making a mad dash for the bathroom.

"It begins," Cece chuckled to herself, hearing the sounds of violent retching echoing throughout her apartment.

Schmidt came out of the spare bedroom, eyebrows raised. "Is she sick? I want her quarantined immediately!"

Cece rolled her eyes. "She's not sick, Schmidt. Don't get your panties in a wad."

All went quiet in the bathroom, and following the flush of the toilet, Jess sheepishly re-entered the living room. "I guess that tea didn't agree with me," she offered, nervously glancing at Schmidt.

He pointed at the bedroom. "In there!" he barked, backing away from Jess. "Stay there for at least 24 hours. I cannot risk catching the plague!"

Jess looked at Cece, communicating her question with just her eyes. Cece shrugged and said, "If he says anything, Jess, I'll castrate him."

"_What_ is going on?" Schmidt cried, looking back and forth between the two women with his hands on his hips.

"Schmidt, if I tell you this, you have to promise that it does not leave this room. No telling Winston. No telling Nick. Especially Nick. He cannot find out about this- do you understand?"

Schmidt frowned, but nodded just the same.

"I'm serious, Schmidt," Jess said, her eyes welling up with tears again. She still felt a little bit nauseous and she'd probably need the toilet again very soon. "You can't tell him."

"I won't say anything," Schmidt said, now very serious. For being the smartest man he knew, he certainly was incredibly confused.

Jess pressed her lips together, not certain that she could trust him, but knowing that he would figure it out eventually. She blinked a few times and grabbed Cece's hand for whatever moral support her friend could offer.

"Schmidt," she whispered, "I'm pregnant."

* * *

**So, there's our big secret. I'm sure most of you already had it figured out. Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I was going to write more, but I'm going out of town for the weekend and I really won't have time. Let me know what you think, what you like, and what you think could be improved! Also, I know that they all may seem a little bit out of character, but it's kind of hard to keep them in character when most of this fic is going to be pretty depressing. I'm also working on the formatting, this is my first time working with fanfiction, blah blah blah- SO- bear with me! Xxx **


	3. Fallout

**Hey guys! Thanks for sticking with me through this- I've been moving and unpacking and it's been pretty crazy. This chapter is pretty jumpy- both chronologically and from character to character- but I hope the length kind of makes up for how long I've been gone. Hope you enjoy :~)**

* * *

"What?" Schmidt barked.

"I guess it figures that the morning sickness would start when everything else goes to shit," Jess muttered, settling back into the corner of the couch.

"You- you don't look pregnant, Jessica! Are you sure?" Schmidt questioned her.

Jess rolled her swollen eyes. "I'm only six weeks along," she said.

"She went to the doctor last week," Cece supplied. Jess nodded slowly, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"Well, is it Nick's?"

"Schmidt!" Cece exclaimed, seeing her best friend's face fall. "Are you fucking serious?"

Schmidt shrugged. "I had to ask."

"Of course it's Nick's, Schmidt," Jess snapped, her ragged voice holding back sobs. "Of course it's his."

Cece gently pulled Jess up off the couch, taking her hands. "Come on, Jess. Let's go lay down." Cece led Jess into the bedroom and tucked her into the soft bed. "I'll be right back," Cece told her.

Cece ducked out of the room as Schmidt was grabbing his keys.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Back to the loft. I've got to go see if Nick is okay."

Cece pulled Schmidt in for a quick kiss before instructing him, "Seriously, though, don't tell him she's here. And not a word about anything else."

Schmidt nodded and left his girlfriend to deal with Jess.

Cece crawled into the bed beside Jess, who rolled over to face her.

"Hi, sweetie. You okay?"

Jess shook her head and Cece pulled her in close to let her cry.

* * *

It had been four weeks since Jess left. It had been twenty-eight days since Nick had seen her face, heard her voice, and tasted her lips on his.

Without a doubt, they had been the worst four weeks of his life.

He had never gone this long without seeing her in the four years that he'd known her. Three years ago, this would have been bearable- hell, it probably would have been nice to get a break from her endless quirks and whims at that point- but not now. Nick was not used to not having her around. He'd gotten to the point where he wasn't sure what to do with himself anymore he couldn't see himself going anywhere without her. After four years of friendship and two years of dating, she surrounded him even when she was gone. He couldn't go to work without seeing her sitting across the 18 inches of bar, twirling a straw in her fingers. He couldn't close up for the night without remembering the dozens of times they'd had sex on and behind the bar after closing. He couldn't stand to be at home because he saw her crocheting on the couch, making cupcakes in the kitchen (with vanilla frosting streaked across her cheek), and brushing her teeth in the bathroom.

So, for the most part, he had been holed up in his room. When he wasn't working, he slept. Schmidt and Winston were worried, to say the least. While Nick wasn't drinking himself into a coma or growing out a scraggly beard, he wasn't doing much of anything. He was quietly existing. They didn't know how to help him, though. They knew how much he loved Jess. They knew he loved her as much as a damaged, chubby flower could. He loved her with everything he had. And she- the one woman he had ever truly loved- had left him. Not much they could say or do would help him. They knew that the only thing that might alleviate what he was feeling was time. Thus, they allowed him to keep to himself.

Nick appreciated that. He didn't really want to see anyone. It was taxing enough to pour drinks and force small talk with strangers night after night.

Four weeks after Jess left, he came home from work feeling especially defeated. It would have been their second anniversary. Nick kicked his shoes off beside his bed before pulling out his nightstand drawer. He reached all the way to the back and pulled out a tiny velvet box. He flipped it open, biting his lip as he remembered the plans he'd been making for the night. He'd wanted to take her out for dinner and then just walk around the town. He didn't know where he wanted to go, but he thought that he'd know when and where to stop. He would have told her how much he loved her, and how she'd changed his life. He would have pulled the box out of his pocket and gotten down on one knee. Jess would have cried- she always did when she was overwhelmed like that- and she would have said yes. But instead, Nick was sitting on his bed, staring intently at a diamond ring that Jess would never see. He'd spent weeks picking it out- he had gone to fourteen different places before finding it. The band was thin silver, and the central diamond was circular and surrounded by a circle tiny diamonds. It was the single most expensive thing Nick had ever bought- hell, it had cost him more than he spent on his car- but he'd thought it was more than worth it.

Nick snapped the box shut, frustrated, and shoved it back into his drawer. He really needed a drink.

* * *

In the four weeks since she'd last spoken to Nick, Jess was doing surprisingly well aside from her unrelenting morning sickness. It had taken her a few days to stop crying, but she had stopped. And even though the constant ache in the back of her throat told her otherwise, she told herself that she was fine on her own. She rationalized with herself, fighting the urge to go running back to apartment 4D, by remembering every word he'd said to her that night, the "hot for teacher" comment, the "I hate you, Jessica Day," the numerous "fuck you"s. She remembered the sting she'd felt with each verbal blow and imagined raising a child with someone that could say things like that.

It would never work. It could never work. So Jess put on a brave face and got on with her life, even though she couldn't get Nick Miller's stupid face out of the back of her mind. She had sent Cece to retrieve most of her belongings from the loft, and she was searching for an apartment of her own. She put all of her effort into that and finishing out the school year on a high note. If you didn't know something was wrong with her...well, you wouldn't be able to tell.

It was a cool July night when Jess decided to go sit on the beach for a while. She'd had a rough day and was in desperate need of some peace and quiet. That morning, she'd had her second official doctor's appointment with Sadie. Sadie didn't know what had happened in the month since she'd last seen Jess, and she'd unknowingly asked Jess if Nick was excited about the baby.

This, of course, had caused the previously bubbly Jess to unravel. Sadie apologized over and over, and Jess told her through her tears that it was okay- she didn't know; it wasn't her fault. So Jess went home after learning that her little peanut-sized baby was doing well at 10 weeks. Jess had been doing really well for the past couple of weeks, but after that appointment, she went home and cried for hours. She missed Nick. She missed his scruffy hair and his genuine smiles and his sweet personality. She wanted nothing more than to call him up and beg for him to hold her. But Jess knew she couldn't do that. He'd tried. He'd tried to talk to her, to get through to her, and she hadn't responded. It was too late for her to come around now.

On top of it all, tonight would have been their second anniversary.

After deciding she'd spent too long wallowing in her misery, Jess reluctantly left the comfort of her bed and told Cece she was going on a walk. She pulled on a crewneck sweatshirt, trying to pretend it wasn't one of Nick's, and left the apartment.

Fifteen minutes later, she was sitting in the sand, letting the breeze calm her troubled soul.

* * *

Cece walked back into her bedroom, eyeing Schmidt. Jess had just left, and Cece was worried about her.

"Is she okay?" Schmidt asked quietly. They'd both been listening to her crying all afternoon, her pitiful sobs echoing through the small apartment. It was the first time she'd broken down like this since the week of the breakup.

"I don't know," Cece sighed. "She needs him, Schmidt. Sure, he was an asshole...he said some things he shouldn't have, but she needs him."

"Cece, if he tries again and she doesn't respond, I don't think he'll make it," Schmidt warned, his eyes boring into Cece's. "He's barely even there. Mentally, I mean."

"I'm not worried about Nick, you idiot!" Cece exclaimed, lightly slapping Schmidt on the arm.

"You think I'm not worried about Jess too?" Schmidt responded, scowling. "I love Jess- hell, we all do. Winston's worried too, and he doesn't even know about the baby!" Schmidt whispered the last words in hushed tones. "But Nick's my bro, Cece, and I 've gotta look out for him too."

Cece sighed. "She loves Nick. Jess loves Nick with everything she has. She's just afraid he's going to hurt her again."

* * *

Nick stared intently at his glass of rosé. Nick wasn't one for fruity, girly drinks- but pink wine was _her_ drink. He had always secretly loved when he kissed her and could taste it on her lips. As he lifted the glass to his own lips to drain the rest of the sweet liquid, he swore he could taste her beneath it. Nick set the empty glass down on the coffee table in front of him and picked up his phone. He flipped it open, checking for messages for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. He didn't know why he even bothered looking- he knew she would never speak to him again. Too restless and depressed to stay in the loft, Nick set his phone back down and shuffled out the front door. As he padded downstairs and out of his apartment building, he didn't know where he was going. He just walked. He surveyed the moon and the stars above him, wishing that he, too, could be a million miles away.

* * *

Half an hour later, Nick realized he was close to the beach. Thinking that the gentle ebb and flow of the tide might distract him, he quietly headed to the sandy shore. When his feet hit the sand, he looked around to find a good spot. The beach was mostly empty this late at night. Nick saw one person sitting in the sand hugging his or her knees a ways down the beach, but other than that, there was really nobody around.

Instead of sitting down, Nick kicked off his shoes, cuffed his jeans, and waded into the shallow water. He stared out at the endless stretch of ocean that laid before him, and feeling his frustration coming to an all-time high, let out a loud noise. It wasn't exactly a scream or a groan or a cry- more of a combination of the three- but it made him feel remotely better. He dug his toes into the wet sand and slipped his hands into his pockets.

Jess had been as still as a statue, sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees and her chin resting on top of her kneecaps. She had almost laughed when she felt her belly press against her thighs, reminding her that her flexibility would be severely limited in the coming months. She didn't really look pregnant yet. Jess thought that she just looked a little bloated, kind of like she'd eaten too much pizza in one sitting. She'd started crying yet again when she thought of how big she would get- not because she was scared of her growing belly, but because Nick would never get to see it. _How stupid am I?_ she scoffed at herself for having such a ridiculous thought. She was wiping a hot tear from her cheek when she heard it.

A scream. Well, it wasn't exactly a scream, but Jess barely noticed. Jess felt her heart jump into her throat. She knew that scream. That was Nick Miller's scream.

* * *

**Again, I apologize for the weird jumpiness of it all. I'm kind of having a hard time with this story and trying to figure out where it's going, so just bear with me. Please leave some honest reviews- I think some constructive criticism would help me out at this point :~)**


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